What I Ate for Lunch Today v.3

I am not a big fan of New Jersey.  This state smells foul, is home to meathead guidos that populate the same eateries as me at 4am in Atlantic City, and when driving, you can’t take a left hand turn anywhere.  Turn right in order to turn left?  Fuck you New Jersey. 

But Jersey is not all bad.  Besides being birthplace of The Boss, Sinatra, and Wendy’s founder Dave Thomas, it is also home to one of my favorite fast food restaurants of all time, White Castle.  Many will argue with me that their tiny, onion soaked burgers are inferior to many other fast food chains, and, in theory, I would have to agree with you.  But there is one glaring difference between White Castle and its competitors.  At White Castle, you can get a jalapeno cheeseburger for $.74.  That means you can get 10 jalapeno cheeseburgers for $7.40, or in cases of extreme munchies or a date night with a white trash fat chick, you could order the “Crave Case”, a cardboard briefcase containing not documents and writing utensils, but 30 delicious jalapeno cheeseburgers for $22.20.  Sure you could go to The Outback and get a big steak dinner for that much, but you would be foolish to do so.  You see, in the end, you would only be getting one steak, where if you took that money to White Castle, you could have 30 burgers.  I’m not Asian, but my white boy math tells me that White Castle is the no-brainer here.  Like a Mormon marriage, quanity trumps quality in this situation. 

Yesterday I helped my roommate move in his fiance, who currently lives in Neptune, NJ.  In exchange for my time and effort, they offered to buy my dinner anywhere that I pleased.  They suggested a nice seafood restaraunt or a mid-priced Mexican place.  I pondered both, but when it finally occurred to me that we were going to Jersey, and in Jersey there were White Castles, the choice was simple.  I am a simple man with simple tastes.  I ate 5 burgers, a chicken sandwich, and a 9 piece ranch chicken ring for dinner.  I then ordered a dozen more for the road. 

Thank God I don’t live near a White Castle, where my gluttonous behavior is encouraged by cheap, delicious food.