Erie, you win again…

My lack of a post the past few days can be contributed to the fact that I spent a long weekend visiting friends and family in this blogs namesake, Erie, PA.  What a shit show.  I hadn’t been back in Erie since Christmas, so it had been a while, but things never change there.  The weather still sucks, the booze is still dangerously cheap, and my mother (and i suspect a majority of the cities 100,000 or so residents) still use a dial up internet connection.  The following is an overview of my weekend. 

Thursday night I drove to northern Pittsburgh to visit some good friends of mine that just had a beautiful baby girl.  Because it is about a 4.5 hour trip, I ended up missing most of the Pens/Flyers game 4, but listened to it on XM on the way there, and got there with about 10 minutes left in the 3rd period.  The Pens, I believe, were down 3-1 at this point.  I was introduced to the baby, they handed her over to me, and within 30 seconds of me holding her, she winced, squirmed around, and busted baby ass on my hand.  Par for the course really.  My other friends’ baby, who is now over 1 yr old, shits his pants whenever he gets within 2 ft of me, regardless of whether he just went or not.  I have a gift. 

I had a nice visit and left the next morning to meet my Mom for lunch, and then met up with a few other friends that had come in from out of town for the weekend.  Some were from there themselves, others made the pilgrimage in for the first time, with promises of cheap drinks and good times.  Friday night we hit the town, went bar hopping, and got really drunk.  At one of the bars, I ordered a round of drinks for my friends.  3 Miller Lights (yeah, they just hand you the can), a Labbats Blue, a Captain and Coke,  a Stoli Vanilla and Diet, and a Bacardi and Diet.  The bartender says, “That will be $16.”.  I giggle like a school girl.  Needless to say we all had a good time and got pretty hammered.  After the bars closed, Noodle, myself, and our friend Kate walked to the nearby McDonalds, where we ordered food, and the lady behind the counter called us a cab.  Yes, the 3rd shift McDonalds employee called us a cab.  We get in the cab and go home, knowing that we had better get some sleep, because we had a 9:50m tee time the next morning. 

The following morning we wake up to a phone call at 11:30am.  It was another one of our friends that was staying with another friend in Erie.  “Did we miss our tee time?”, he asked.  It turns out a few of our friends actually did make it out to the golf course, but I don’t think anyone broke a 100.  Those of us that failed to make it to the golf course, met up with the others for a late lunch.  We then went back home to regroup; my friends took a nap, and I went off to visit with some more family. 

Saturday night we went to my favorite establishment in Erie, La Nouva Aurora Club, Erie’s Italian American club.  “Dude, you aren’t Italian.”, you may be thinking to yourself.  Yeah i know, but it doesn’t matter.  For a mere $20 a year membership fee, you can have access to the cheapest drinks in town, bowling alleys, boccie ball courts, and a juke box that has both Frank Sinatra and Europe’s ‘Final Countdown’.  Welcome to my church.

On top of this, it was some sort of reverse raffle/steak fry night, meaning that for $25 each, we were entered in a reverse raffle where we could win $1500 (and some other prizes), we got a steak dinner, and we had all you can drink draft beer.  God, I love this place.  Noodle was the first person out of our friends out of the raffle, which was hilarious because, being Asian, he likes to gamble the most out of all of us.  Our friend Stifle was one of the last 10 numbers left (out of 140), and at that point it was offered to the group that they could split the $1500 10 ways, giving each person $150.  Noodle didn’t like hearing this, so he tried to get Stifle to sell him his ticket for $150, so he could keep gambling and try to win the $1500 himself.  Stifle didn’t want to upset the rest of the group, because everyone else wanted to split, so he said no and took his $150.  They continued drawing #’s for some side bets, and of course, Stifles # was the last one left, meaning that if he would have not split and kept going himself or sold his ticket to noodle for him to keep going until the end, he would have won $1500.  Noodle was infuriated.  He spent the rest of the night getting really drunk and yelling about how he couldn’t believe that Stifle wouldn’t sell him the ticket.  The masses appeased him by taking him to a nearby karaoke bar so that he could sing Whitney Houston’s, “I Want to Dance With Somebody”.  Asians love karaoke. 

We took another cab home at about 3:30am, (bonus: the Italian club closes at 3am instead of 2am like the rest of the bars in town), and Noodle kept telling the cab driver that he “was from the hood in Fort Lauderdale, dog”.  The cab driver was from the Bronx, and was not amused.  We enter the house, wake up my mom, and Noodle, in a complete blackout, drunk talks her for about an hour.  Can you imagine waking up to a tiny drunk Chinese man wanting to tell you his life story in broken english at 4am?  My mother is a saint. 

The next morning, after sleeping it off, it was time to pack up the bags and go.  Another successful Erie trip, and it looks like we may have even more people willing to test the chilly brown waters of Lake Erie next time a trip is planned. 


One Response to “Erie, you win again…”

  1. I heard you threatened to spin kick your mom

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