K-I-MBO… and Kimbo was his name-o…

So Saturday night, when I lifted my head from hands at the bar after a devastating loss at home for the Penguins, I saw that Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) was on TV (network tv even).  This immediately lifted my spirits, because no matter how down I am, watching two people beat the bejesus out of each other always makes me smile.  Also rum.  Rum makes me smile, but you probably already knew that.  Anyways, so the first fight (that I saw at least) comes on, and its actually a womens fight.  I’ve seen women’s boxing, but never women’s MMA.  Now I was even more interested, because one of them was actually pretty hot.   The fight started, and my interest waned due to the fact that the fight was boring and that they were staying on their feet, not rolling around on the mat with their clothes getting torn like I had originally imagined.  My mind slipped back to the hockey game, and I was sad again.  But this funk wouldn’t last.  Before long, the main event started, and the smile returned to my horribly bearded face.  Kimbo Slice was fighting James Thompson.  Kimbo Slice is a scary, scary man.  I first saw him a couple of years ago on this YouTube video..  Ever since then I haven’t been able to sleep at night, knowing that there are people out there like him capable of kicking my ass so very thoroughly and effortlessly.  Richard summed it up best, when he turned to Sunny and Doza at the bar (Noodles fiance and Stifles girlfriend ), and said, “If these were the caveman days, Noodle and Stifle would be dead and Kimbo Slice would be fucking you both”.   I would have to agree.  If there were no cops or guns, he would be pretty much free to do whatever he wanted, and if Sunny and Doza were what he wanted, there would be nothing that I could do to stop him.  And now, a Top 5 list…

Top 5 Things That I Would Do In Order To Avoid Fighting Kimbo Slice

1. Let a Mexican midget use my balls as a pinata. 

2. Listen to Aqua- “Barbie Girl” on repeat for 24 hours straight.

3. Get a tribal tattoo on my lower back.

4. Tell my Grandma any story that i start with, “This one time, at the naughty bar…”

5. Get a lap dance from a 300 lb transvestite named Coco. 

                          ” No Thanks”

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One Response to “K-I-MBO… and Kimbo was his name-o…”

  1. That outtie belly button is ridiculous. I thought the transvestite’s name was Tiny?

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