Dance Moves for Every Occasion… Vol. 1

Going to see live music is a favorite activity of many people, and if you want to impress the gods of rock, you are going to need some sick dance moves.  It occurred to me while attending a Sunday night show, starring my friends, The Medium, in Philadelphia, that in order to show your appreciation to the band, impress the ladies, and appease the rock gods, it is imperative that you demonstrate some wicked moves.  Below you will find some of my favorites.  Study them and practice in your living room.  Your roommate/spouse/pet may look at you funny now, but you will have the last laugh when you are rocking out harder than anyone the next time you are at a live performance.* 
1.  The Fist Pump

This is the the simplest of all the dance moves, and really is the building block of all other dance moves.  The fist pump is the gateway drug of the dance move community.  Most people will start with this, and later graduate up to something more advanced, like the ‘HLK’ or Cocaine. 

 

Asians love The Medium!!

Asians love The Medium!!

2.  The ‘HLK’

The HLK, or High Leg Kick, should only be performed after adequate stretching.  Torn hamstrings are such a buzzkill, plus the band gets pissed if they have to stop playing while the medics come in to drag you off on a stretcher.  Test your HLK ability by having a friend place their hand out at varying heights, depending on skill level, and try to kick their hand.  This is acceptable behavior before and during the show. 

Computer generated demonstration of a perfect HLK.  Note the green area, hamstrings turn green when they are well stretched.  And where is this guys junk?

Computer generated demonstration of a perfect HLK. Note the green area, hamstrings turn green when they are well stretched. And where is this guys junk?

 

3.  The ‘OHC’

The ‘OHC’ or Over Head Clap, is a classic move, performed by people young and old.  It shows that you aren’t satisfied showing your enthusiasm by just clapping your hands together in front of you.   No, that just won’t do.  Raise your hands in the air and clap them together, that way everyone will know how enthusiastic you are about the bands current song selection!  While performing the OHC, you may notice that others have started to clap their hands above their head as well.  Do not be alarmed.  This is normal behavior, as the OHC is extremely contagious, like ‘The Wave’ at the ballpark, or “The Clap” in Lindsay Lohan’s pants.

OK, OK... so this isnt an illustration of how the OHC is performed.  WHO CARES!?!?! Jessica Alba is so fucking hot!

OK, OK... so this isn't an illustration of how the OHC is performed. WHO CARES!?!?! Jessica Alba is so fucking hot!

There are some moves to get you started.  More intricate and advanced moves coming up in volume 2!

*These moves have been thoroughly tested at rock and roll shows.  Attempting these moves at your nieces dance recital or at your 5 year old sons Christmas chorus concert should be done at your own risk.

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4 Responses to “Dance Moves for Every Occasion… Vol. 1”

  1. What about the ‘shove my face in the lead singer’s crotch?’ You’ve perfected that one, too.

  2. St33lkrtin Says:

    dude…. “pick up the change”….. best punk dance…. everrrrrrr….

  3. erieisforlovers Says:

    Trev, no worries… picking up the change is my ‘go to’ move, and will be covered in vol. 2…

  4. St33lkrtin Says:

    Good to know my good man…. good to know…..

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